The Answer To Fear: Plaid

Rest and harmony affect me strangely: I become creative, daring and unguarded. Other people need a few shots of tequila. I just need a vacation.

As is the ancient tradition, Cindy had purchased everyone in the family festive Christmas pajamas. These are not the mellow pjs that perhaps a librarian might wear. These togs shout "Merry Christmas". The men folk received, thick, bright red plaid bottoms. They had thick toggle pull strings and pockets. The fabric was a heavy, thick flannel. The ladies had white, patterned pants with bright red shirts. If we'd never decorated, the house would have been ablaze with color and energy with just the eight of us in the living room. And, so it came to pass, that it was decreed that we needed ice cream. It was evening, dark and cold. Being inebriated by rest, I decided to wear my new pj pants, dark leather jacket, and bright red scarf to Krogers.
My wife was appalled. "Go ahead", she said. The tone rang of 'you'll probably get arrested' and 'don't stick your finger in the electrical socket'. So off we went, my wife and two of my children.
For all the concern about drawing attention to myself, nothing happened. Nothing. No sidelong glances. No rushed whispers to small children.
Better still, while purchasing the ice cream, my son shared with me "I have the urge to lay down on the floor". I, the repository of maturity, counseled: "Do it". He balked. So I laid down on the floor (frozen food section). Once again, no response from the other shoppers. I would have hoped that someone would have called out "Nice pants" or "Are you conscious?" or even "Are you lost?" But nothing.
Conclusion: whatever you're uptight about - forget about it. Some other freak beat you to it and they survived, too.

But now I am troubled: plaid pj pants in public and lying on the floor in the frozen food section while thus clothed brought no response. What does a guy have to do?